When All the Lights Go Out
by bohogirl
Summary: How does someone end up in the dark, alone? Maureencentric


**Title: When All the Lights Go Out  
Author: Jen  
Feedback: I love it!  
Pairing: None Maureen centric, mentions of Angel/Collins, Roger/Mimi, Joanne/Maureen, Joanne/OFC, maybe Mark/Benny if you close your eyes and really want it  
Word Count: 792  
Rating: PG  
Genre: Angst  
Summary: How does someone end up in the dark, alone?  
Notes: Goes into the future a bit..1996 to deal with some losses, movie verse  
Special Thanks: electrakitty74 for looking it over  
Spoilers: None if you've seen Rent  
Warnings: Mentions death of other people that aren't Angel  
Disclaimer:** **Rent belongs to me, I mean to Mr. Larson and his family. I thank him much.**

Some performers go on stage backed up by a band, some with other performers. But some go on stage alone. In this moments before the lights come up, standing in the dark, they only hear evidence that there are other people in the room, breathing, talking, eating, laughing. Despite that, some performers feel alone with no light letting them know they aren't hearing things. When the lights go up and they see the crowd before them, the loneliness vanishes.

The show would eventually end, the lights would turn off, and the performer would once again be alone, save for the applause they may have earned, rightfully or otherwise.

Maureen was a performer, in love with the stage. Her life seemed to echo her time on the stage, her friends providing the light that let her know she wasn't alone.

The light first faded when Angel died. The change was dramatic in Maureen's mind. Angel was gone, sent back up among the rest of the angels that God had recalled. Roger was taking off for Santa Fe. Mimi was headed to rehab, supposedly to finally kick her habit. Mark buried himself in his work. Collins left town, abandoning the job he'd given up on when Angel fell ill. Benny had tuned out of their family long ago. She only had Joanne left.

The light brightened a bit when Roger returned and Collins, when they found Mimi and brought her back literally from death's door. But like a flickering candle in a light breeze, Maureen should've known the light wouldn't stay on forever.

It dimmed again when Mimi died and even more so when Roger followed quickly on her heels. Maureen struggled to ignore the dimming the light of her family and support team, focusing on her performances at the sacrifice of her relationship with Joanne.

The light flickered in and out of existence with each argument, fading when they turned their backs on each other only to reignite when they forgave each other.

The flame went out completely nearly four years after Angel died when Joanne, sick of Maureen's cheating and her empty promises, threw her out onto the street. She wandered the streets aimlessly, unsure of where to go until she somehow found herself standing outside the loft, knocking, hoping Mark was home and he would take her in.

She was surprised to find Benny there, unaware the two had called a truce at Roger's funeral, unaware Benny and Alison had divorced the year earlier when she'd cheated on him with a family friend. She was also surprised to learn Collins was in the hospital, dying. Maureen broke down in the doorway of the loft as another light of her life started fading, threatening to blow any minute.

Collins had become the glue that held them together in the East Village. It was almost poetic that he died just days after Maureen and Joanne broke up for good.

At Collins' funeral, she watched blurry-eyed as Joanne showed up, another woman by her side. Maureen lowered her head, unable to see what she'd given up. It saddened her a little that Joanne could finally be happy with someone who would give her the love and respect she deserved.

Maureen found a place of her own blocks from the loft. She was unable to deal Mark and Benny's plans to get both of them out of the East Village for good. Since all of their friends were gone, they felt there was nothing to hold them back. However, she constantly found herself visiting them, wanting to be near all she had left to light her way.

All that remained in Maureen's performer's mind was a single light, standing in the distance, represented by Mark and Benny, the last two people she thought she'd be alone with. She'd always imagined, despite her behavior, that she'd have Joanne. She'd taken for granted that Collins was truly sick and longed to join Angel in heaven, and that Mark would always be there for her in a moment of panic.

One day, late in the fall of 1996, Maureen showed up at the loft, wanting to simply talk with the two remaining friends she had left. Using the key she'd taken months before, she flung open the door.

"Markie, I'm he..." Maureen's heart dropped when she saw the loft empty, devoid of all signs of Mark and everything that made him who he was. All signs of Benny living there were gone too. All that remained was the tattered furniture that wouldn't have survived a move and anything that was nailed down.

Maureen sank to the floor as the last light letting her know she wasn't alone faded, casting her into darkness and a life alone.


End file.
